July 4, 2007
Alternatives to "What do you do?" as conversation starters
When you first meet someone and are making chit-chat (e.g., getting your hair cut, at a professional party, or a party where you don't know anyone, a bus stop, dog park, etc.), what would you rather be asked (and/or what do you ask)?
1) What do you do?
2) Where are you from?
3) Something else? (and if so ... what?)
I try not to ask "what do you do?" since I feel like it hones in on class issues immediately and is, for that reason, kind of rude. I figure if people love their jobs or identify with them strongly, they'll tell me about them eventually, and if not, why should I care? Probably they have something more interesting to talk about. I gather it's considered a rude question in some other countries, and it has inspired some to develop alternative answers, as well as some ranting.
This could lead to a kind of politeness stand off if I'm talking to someone who is really proud of what they do, or has a high-status position but they don't want to seem like self-promoting jerks, but there's room for finessing. I'll ask someone what they do for money eventually if I feel comfortable with them, and I just find I'm dying to know for some reason. Although I did ask someone the other night and immediately regretted it because the response was semi-self-deprecating comments along the lines of: "nothing ... live off my wife ..."
"Where are you from?" used to be my stand by replacement for "what do you do" when I lived in Ann Arbor. None of us were from there -- we were all there for the same reason, doing the same thing (and there, "what's your field?" or "where did you do undergrad?" were the equivalent of "what do you do?").
But now that I'm back in my home town, I find this question a little bit touchy, too. A lot of the people I meet aren't from here, originally, and this makes me feel both proud and a little bit lonely, and I have a lot of friends from California for whom the question seems like kind of a challenge to justify themselves. And then there's local politics regarding exactly where in Portland you live. Anyway, point is, being local makes the question a lot more complicated and I don't really ask that one anymore, either.
This leaves me stuck for an ice-breaker question and lately, my ice-breaker question has been the one I'm posing here in this post.
Responses so far have ranged from: "you think about this stuff too much" to, "I hate it when people ask me that, too!" but I haven't collected a ton of usable alternatives -- here are a couple, anyway, from the web and elsewhere. Suggestions appreciated!
- "What do you stand for?" -- could be sort of a challenge for a lot of people!
- "What are your weekend plans?" -- I kind of like this one, because you could plan for just about anything (trip to Paris, running a marathon, etc.), although it's sister-question, "what did you do this weekend?" can be kind of a downer to answer when all you did was pull weeds and watch TV.
- "Who did you come here with?" -- This one was offered by the woman doing my hair. She uses it at parties to figure out if someone is single. I guess it's fine -- a little social-networkee, for my tastes.
- Here's a collection of options offered by a professional, including "tell me about your kids" -- the problem is, I don't know if I'd actually want to hear any of the answers to these. Not that I don't like other people's kids -- I usually enjoy them -- but hearing parents talk about them? -- it's like dancing about architecture (I'm not really sure what I mean by that).
- "If you could be any animal, what would it be and why?" -- I like this one.
- You could use my Food quiz for the future.
- "If mankind goes extinct, which species do you think will rise up to replace us?" -- I love this one and I made it up. I haven't used it more than once, on an older guy I met in the airport who wouldn't shut up about how the idea that people cause global warming was a myth and we were kind of doomed. His theory: cockroaches. My theory? Ants.
Well, in any case, Happy 4th of July!
Posted by mary at 8:09 AM | Comments (1)
July 21, 2006
Anagram Pick Up Lines
Someone left me a nice comment awhile ago:
"You can't spell 'dreamy' without the letters M, A, R, and Y"
Which made me think, what a great pick up line! So flexible. Just take a flattering adjective that contains the letters of someone's name. Maybe it's an old line, maybe people are reading about it and using it to mash on bloggers all over the place, but it was new to me, and I decided to try it out on some friends.
Here's what I've come up with so far:*
You can't spell, "hale and tan" without the letters N, A, T, H, A, N, I, E and L!
You can't spell "brine" without the letters E, R, I and N!
You can't spell, "cherish port" without the letters C, H, R, I, S, T, O, P, H, E, and R!
You can't spell, "male sis" without the letters M, E, L, I, S, S, and A!
You can't spell, "wet priests" without the letters P, E, T, E and R!
You can't spell, "justice nap" without the letters, J, U, S, T, I and N!
You can't spell, "ass nut" without the letters, S, U, S, A and N!
You can't spell ... well, you get the idea. Sorry I don't have time to do everyone's name -- but feel free to add your own!
*I have to admit, I used an anagram generator in some cases; can you tell? What's a semi-anagram called, anyway? You know, where some, but not all of the letters are included?
Posted by mary at 1:57 PM | Comments (2)
March 22, 2005
Personal ads for nerds
I think slashdot should have a personal ads section.
The nerd chic factor is definitely visible in the world of internet dating. In a lot of the personal ads people will say they're looking for hot girls in glasses (preferably ones with tattoos although not necessarily a geek tattoo) or girls will say they love nerds, or geeks, or whatever -- hey, I'm one of them, so I Am My Own Target Demographic (I did that in title case just because it sounds like a good name for a book -- maybe the autobiography of an ad man?).
You also seen people in real life wearing I heart nerds t-shirts and there's a car in my neighborhood with the bumper sticker and in fact -- jesus -- now that I'm looking for it, there's all kinds of I heart nerds paraphanalia. If I still smoked dope, I'd definitely get an "I heart nerds" bumper sticker and put it on my bong.
(btw: I've already broken my own rule by linking to something already linked on boingboing ... but it was indendently -- that is, I didn't find it via boingboing. I can see this rule is going to be impossible to enforce).
No doubt, it's only a matter of time before nerds start feeling exploited. But in the meantime, they might as well start exploiting back and get laid out of the deal, right? So, I'm just saying, slashdot should have a personal ads section. I don't even think they should just put up a link to Nerve -- they've got all those coding skills, they could make something much better! One where profiles get scored by moderators, for instance. Actually, it seems like every guy I've dated over the last 5 years has had a plan for building a better Nerve -- I'm surpised there aren't more out there. Another possible site for nerd loving personal ads is the American Nerd Association -- actually, there are a bunch of sites where nerds congregate (not all of them porn), and they could all link back to the mother-nerd-personal ad database which, I'll say again, I think slashdot should do since it seems to me to have the best nerd credentials and popularity combo. Granted, a lot of the people commenting there sound like assholes and tools, but that's true of many regular personals, anyway.
Or maybe this already exists and I'm just not nerdcore enough to know about it. Maybe nerds are hooking up in online multiplayer forums or something? Didn't I read about that in the New York Times Circuits section? Maybe people are finding love through World of Warcraft?.
Speaking of WoW, another idea I had the other day is that they should offer Bugdom as an online multiplayer game (they just brought out a 3-D version). If they had it, then I'd get to play with and talk to my friends via the little IM channel screen thingy and I'd be like, "OMG! It's a blueberry!" and they'd be like, "WTF?! bonk it!" and I would and then I'd be like, "W00T!" and it would rule.
I need a nerd to heart.
Posted by mary at 2:57 PM | Comments (1)
September 22, 2003
Great Idea Update: How Other Couples Do It
Chris actually bought us the domain name last night: www.howothercouplesdoit.com (.com, right, Chris? you really did buy it, right?).
We will have three sections: money, sex, and housework.
People will be able to fill in an anonymous questionnaire with questions like, "what conflicts did you have in this area?" "how did you resolve your conflicts?" "how do you divide chores?" "How do you divide spending?" "how often do you have sex?" etc. etc. etc.
Then, the responses will be posted and you will be able to scroll through them to see, "how other couples do it"! It will make fascinating reading, I think! Maybe we will have a rating system or a monthly prize for the best entry, to encourage people to respond.
You will be able to sort according to girl/boy, girl/girl, boy/boy and just girl or boy responses. Chris pointed out this leaves out more complicated arrangements like girl/boy/boy, etc. but if there's a demand, I'm sure we can adjust to meet it.
There is no profit model for this. YET. If we were wildly successful, maybe Chris and I could go on tour or something -- Oprah, etc. We could become couples self-help gurus. I don't think we've done any research to find out what's already out there in this area.
I'm almost as excited about this as I am about www.fairlandlord.org!
I think I'm going to have to quit one of my jobs to devote myself to pursing more of my website ideas. I hear there is a lot of money in it.
Posted by mary at 10:49 AM | Comments (1)
September 10, 2003
Internet Dating Strategy: Don't Show Your Face in the Photos
So this was one of my ideas about internet dating: I didn't want to show my face because I didn't want someone recognizing me on the street. Plus, there was the problem of what kind of expression to have on my face: smiley? serious? curious? sexy?
What happened was I had borrowed my mom's digital camera to take pictures (I didn't have a scanner) and set it up on a ladder as a tripod and used the timer function. Then the problem posed itself: do I smile at nobody? Try to look "pretty"? It was too wierd being with the camera alone, not knowing who was going to be looking at these photos -- or in what seedy context. But we all know you've GOT to have a photo on your personal ad. Even if you get someone who responds without one, when you meet them you'll be all insecure about "do they think my ass is fat?" etc. if they hadn't seen a good picture.
So I decided to take and show shots that just show the pertinent parts of my body, namely: tits and ass. I figured this way, people could get a general idea of me, but nothing *too* personal. It might be different if I thought I had a big nose or something, but I think my face is just fine, so I didn't think I'd disappoint anyone who found my body attractive. Also, frankly, I don't know how important faces are to guys.
Most of the response I got to the faceless photos was fine. One guy was deeply suspicious -- I think he thought I was having an affair or something -- but he was an exception. Chris decided I might have only one arm but that it didn't bother him. Overall, it was a strategy that worked for me, and removed a lot of angst.
This was the only photo I could manage to upload without Chris's help, but it pretty clearly demonstrates my strategy. The headline for the ad with this picture was "I Love Cupboards!" I'll see if I can get some of the other photos up. I'm kind of into documenting my personal ad phase, because I felt like I was pretty good at it.
Also, I've been working on a graphic for this website with some of my other photos from this era. I'll show you soon!
Posted by mary at 8:34 PM | Comments (1)
August 5, 2003
Great Idea for a Financial Planning Advice Book: "How Other Couples Do It"
This would be a very simple book to write: You'd interview something like 30 couples of various backgrounds and ask them to tell the story of the financial side of their relationship. How do they divide resources? How do they pay bills? How did they come to their decisions? What kinds of fights and struggles did they have to resolve them? how do things change with kids, divorce, etc. etc.
There wouldn't be a whole lot of analysis, just little introductions giving you the demographics and a summary. Maybe pictures, but probably not as we might want to use pseudonyms.
This is one of those ideas I had because I wanted it to exist -- and maybe it already does (I haven't checked). I was asking my various coupled friends how they'd done it, but it can be a very private topic, so getting the dirt from strangers might be better.
Posted by mary at 10:12 AM | Comments (2)
August 4, 2003
Great Idea: Getting Married to Chris!
I think I'm going to have to take a break from this blog already, as our wedding is on Sunday. I had a couple of great wedding ideas, though: Mezza and a dog rodeo are the ones we'll realize.
Posted by mary at 10:00 PM | Comments (4)
July 30, 2003
Newish Great Idea: Chris and I Patent Our Relationship Instead of Getting Married
In order for our relationship to have legal standing, but not the same old boring one as everyone else (except gay couples, of course), Chris and I could jump on the patent/copyright bandwagon and submit a patent for our relationship instead of getting married. We would describe our living arrangements, method of dividing work, resources, sexual practices, bill paying agreements, etc. etc. Once we got the patent we could claim that our relationship was unique. We'd have to vigorously enforce the patent, of course. Anyone who looked like they were doing what we do would have to be sued to within an inch of their lives. Instead of marriage counseling, we would visit our attorney. We might trademark our children.
I think this is my idea, but then I have a vague memory of a "This American Life" along the same lines. Only -- was it a couple that incorporated? It was a guy and his boyfriend who'd come up with some way of describing or doing their relationship that was also an art project ... but I can't remember. I guess I could look at the website ... Here it is.
Posted by mary at 8:10 PM | Comments (0)