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September 9, 2006

Pre-Packaged American Condiments

This idea from Daniel --

"seeing as how our country seems infatuated with the fake extreme of "american cheese" and how prominently it is used at fast food restaurants and barbecue-y things, i thought that we should take shit to the next level and introduce to the public, in cylindrical form: AMERICAN KETCHUP and AMERICAN MUSTARD!!!!! think about it! we could pack all three of these things in the same little doo-hickey and then sandwiches could be made simple and easy. not sure of the logistics yet, but everyone who hears about this idea has something to throw in there. do you think it has merit? do you at least think that it is funny to think about? thats all i really want anyway, that and to market this in japan where they will go BONKERS over it. heck yea!"

The idea of sandwich fillings that come pre-formed into sandwich (or bagel) shape already exists, and the MoHDI guys have a butter pusher in development. But I don't see much in the strict condiment field, so I think Daniel's got something.

This patent might help -- using it, you could put the ketchup and mustard in a sealed envelop of American cheese, sort of like a savory Uncrustable.

The other thing I love about this idea is its name: AMERICAN condiments. We've sort of missed the crest of the "Freedom Fries" wave, but I still think there's plenty of space for a line of condiments specifically marketed as American. I'm sure I'm not the first to notice the irony that the most American of mustards is called "French's". And although it's apparently untrue that they issued a statement denying they were French, they do go out of their way to say that "there's nothing more American than French's mustard."

But why have a name that begs the question? Why is the flag waving on the French's bottle red?, not red, white and blue? What, are they communists or something?

Our line of American condiments might include:

American Ketchup: May seem redundant, but with American patriotism, there's no such thing as overkill.

American Mayonnaise: I don't know that the product itself needs to be redesigned, or that there are big differences in mayonnaises (although Melissa, with her preference for mayonnaise that comes in a tube -- a toothpaste style tube, not a Kewpie tube might disagree), but clearly, this product renaming at the very least -- I can hardly spell it, it's so foreign! I say we rebrand it as "American White Sauce." (Although "American Sandwich Lube" has a catchy a ring to it, too).

American Mustard: Package the yellow sauce in a bottle of red, white and blue at the very least. Or maybe we find a way to dye the mustard blue, then we package all three in a tube as Daniel suggests, so you'd have a layered stack of red, white and blue condiments. You might sell them in strips, too, for hot dogs.

Posted by mary at September 9, 2006 9:01 AM

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