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June 26, 2005
Professional Bibs for Professional Boobs
I've got big tits. So big in fact, that as I walked home recently from the new Batman movie (I recommend it, btw) a passing bicyclist on the wild and wooly streets of St. Johns was unable to resist taking a passing grope at my left one. When I told one person this story he was like, "maybe it was an accident?" and I was like, "what, my tits are so big that you can't pass me on the sidewalk without running into them?" I can't help wonder if the same logic could be applied to rape: "her pussy was so big, officer, I just fell in!" (not that I think of this as equivalant to rape or anything).
I reported the incident to the police today for statistical purposes, but since I was trying to avoid eye (if not hand-to-tit) contact, I wasn't able to tell them much except that, in addition to being a two-wheeled molester, the guy was NOT wearing a helmet. Tch tch tch. The cop who took my report made me feel like a good citizen just for getting groped. Who says they have no bedside manner? But he also kept talking about how he'd like to shoot the guy who did it and -- call me a liberal softee -- but I just don't feel like someone deserves to die for coping a feel, no matter how agressive and weird. Maybe pushed off his bicycle into a passing bus or something, but not shot or to have his legs broken (also suggested by the officer).
ANYWAY -- I've got me a rack, and said rack tends to accumulate stains and flotsom at meals. To save myself dry cleaning bills I've taken to making myself a bib at meals with whatever I can find at hand. At home, old rags, underwear, what have you; in a restaurant, napkins, the table cloth, etc. So this week I'm working on this workshop with a bunch of people and we went out to lunch today and as I was suiting up to eat my hamburger I was talking to one of them about the whole problem (being the professional that I am) and she said she'd had this idea for awhile: there should be classy, professional-appropriate bibs you can carry around in your purse and whip out on business lunches and put on without looking like an asshole. And I thought: That is a GREAT idea.
Ironically enough, when I google "professional bib" the second hit (and several thereafter) is for some kind of bicycle shorts -- damn those cyclists and their bibs. Looks like I'm not the only one needing a bib. There is at least one attempt to market adult bibs, but gold lame isn't exactly what I had in mind.
I could add a bunch of links to groping and bibs, but I've got too much to do this week (including a literature search tonight ... ugh). So that's all for now.
Posted by mary at June 26, 2005 9:54 PM
Comments
I find the travel bibs in the last link especially disturbing. They look a lot like the lead aprons that they lay over me when i get my mouth x-rayed at the dentist--an experience I am happy only has to happen every 3 years or so. The suffocating weight of the lead apron, the pinch/pain of the bite plate, the knowledge that gamma radiation is about to course through my jaw AND having to sit still is about all I can take. I think the only way to make this situation more tortuous for me would be to force me to do integral calculus while waiting for that awful click and hum.
Posted by: Tony at June 29, 2005 1:54 PM
Have you thought about tucking a big paper napkin around your neck at mealtimes? Believe me it works. My kids are all required to wear a napkin bib.
Posted by: Ted at September 23, 2005 9:01 AM
We use bib/napkin clips like the dentist uses to attach a large paper napkin around our boys necks during meals. The bib clips fit in your pocket and are perfect for taking to restaurants.
Posted by: Jeff at October 10, 2005 8:16 AM
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