I know a lot of academics, and none of them are very good negotiators. Well, okay, I know at least one high powered acacemic is. But for the most part, everyone seems to settle for a crappy office with crappy chairs, crappy computers, inadequate bookshelves, not to mention the lousy pay, crushing workload, no travel funds, etc.
Anyway, I've worked out the *need* for this service more than the actual profit model for it, but I think that, given the loosy-goosy nature of a lot of academic hiring, academics need agents to help them negotiate things like salary, courseload, travel funds, release time, tenure, etc. This way, when you were looking for a job and got an offer, you could just say, "You'll have to talk to my agent" after a certain point.
I don't mean merely a literary agent -- although that would be part of the job, or maybe they'd work together. I mean some woman or man who would look really slick (in an appropriately academic way -- actually, wouldn't it be great if the ghost of Foucault was your agent? Nobody would screw with you then) who would play hardball with the hiring committee, and later on the dean.
Sure, at first it would be a hard living being an academic agent -- it's not like academics make that much so there's a lot of fat to skim off. But eventually, if we all had them, it would pay off, because we would all get more money, some of which we could then use to pay the agent, and then the agents would then increase salaries more, etc. Eventually, a lot more academics would be commanding rock star or sports star salaries, and when you came to give a talk it would be green M&Ms all the way, baby -- or they'd be hearing from your agent.
I had this idea partly after dealing with some hard ball academics -- real jerks, if you want to know the truth, but they got extra funds, that's for sure. Perhaps if they farmed that job out to an agent they'd still be nice human beings instead of manipulative assholes (I'm deliberaty refraining from linking here.)
But I'm not quitting any one of my day jobs to do this one.
By the way, I was looking around for pictures of booksheves and found this instead (there is a picture of a bookshelf somewhere on the site). Interesting, especially given that some of my early youth was spent on a hippy communue in Southern Oregon called Jump Off Joe. The hippy commune I linked to there isn't the one we lived on, but it does mention it or anyway Jump Off Joe (which was the name of a creek near the commune).
I have thought in the past that those who direly need agents but cannot afford them could have sock puppet agents. It would be a little like saying "talk to the hand" but the hand would negotiate terms on your behalf, and perhaps speak with a comic accent or special sqweeky agent voice.
"I'm sorry, but you'll have to speak to my 'agent' about that"
I like that idea! Or, you could just turn away from them, and put on some dark glasses, muss up your hair and then turn back: "This is Mary's agent, and this offer is pathetic!"
I also was thinking more and more about having the ghost of Foucault as your agent. That would be so awesome!
Me: "You'll have to talk my agent."
Hiring committee: [confused glances at each other]
Mary: "Michel, can you come in here?"
[door opens. Foucault floats in on a stream of ether]
Foucalt: "Waaah haaaa haaa. This offer is pathetic!" [french accent]
Hiring committee: [shocked silence or running in terror or something -- maybe throw dollars at me.]
OR, another scenerio:
Mary: "You'll have to talk to my agent, the ghost of Foucault.
Hiring Committee: [confused looks]
[Mary turns around, puts on glasses and bald-head mask. Turns around.]
Mary/Foucault: "Waaaaa haaa haaa. This offer is pathetic! [with fake french accent]
Works well with the sock puppet, too, I think.
Returning to Sarah's sock puppet idea -- that really is a good and marketable one. I really bet you could sell "talk to the hand/my agent" hand puppets. It would be a great "gag gift" (who doesn't love a gag gift!) for the job candidate/bitterly employed/chronically unemployed. I like it!! Want to set up a booth at the AHA/Saturday Market?
Better yet, Foucault Sock Puppets!
I keep forgetting to mention that another alternative to bringing a sock-puppet agent to the interview, or waiting for the ghost of Foucault to pipe up is collective bargaining.
If you had more than one sock puppet, they could be in a union with you. Although only two could talk at the same time, unless you were willing to forgo all shame and put puppets on your feet.
I think by the time you've got two sock puppets going and you're calling them your union brothers (or agents), shame is no longer an issue.
To turn the tables a bit, you could put sock puppets on all your extremities and then call them a hiring committee. Your right hand could be the ancient departmental chair. Your left hand could be the pain-in-the-ass Marxist. Your feet could be the untenured colleagues, cowering and hoping not to be noticed. Your head would be the chair of the committee. You'd call the job applicant in and then introduce him to your extremities.
All this talk of academia and applications is making me think of one of my favorite things, Jesse Reklaw's little book Applicant, which he describes as "Pictures of hopeful students, accompanied by unflattering quotes from their professors and employers." It's brilliant!