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November 18, 2003
Peter's Great Idea: Outdoor Urinal
Hi Mary,
As I was outside my apartment the other day, fumbling for my keys, I could
feel a great idea beginning to swell...
It happens to everyone: Just as you're walking up to the door to your
house/apartment, you are gripped by a sudden, overwhelming urge to pee.
At times, you may have been feeling this urge for some time and have
simply been waiting for the return to home (only serving to make matters
exponentially more desperate).
While this proposal is largely phallo-centric, the...ummm...relief it can
afford is undiminished. How about a urinal outside the house, right by
the front door? Picture it, if you can/will: running to the house,
clutching keys, plagued with the uncertainty of your bladder's physical
limitations, each breath an "I think I can...I think I can..." Instead of
rushing to get the key into the lock (which, it should be noted, is much
harder under strained circumstances), you need only to be fumbling with
your buttons as your target of relief is RIGHT THERE. This would also
address the long-respected psychological phenomenon of
all-of-a-sudden-needing-to-pee as soon as one closes in on his home.
But the placement of the receptical also addresses health and safety
issues. I never completed my urology course-work (slacker), but I'm
pretty certain that desperately holding It in is not good for you. This,
It, being good for one's kegel muscles isn't much of a consolation at
times like that, either. Furthermore, I'm presently exploring statistics
in Number of Injuries, Deaths and Other 'Accidents' Related to Inebriated
and Rushed Stair Climbing. An outdoor receptical would eliminate the
inherent risk of the rushed stair climb.
Of course, the product line would be wholly customizable; no one wants the
front of one's residence spoiled by some white porcelin. I thinking in
terms of a variety of colors as well as shapes (possibility of serving
other purposes as lawn sculpture?).
With regard to names: The traditional indoor facility has long held the
name 'John'. In keeping with this sentiment, as its creator, I had a
brief, self-aggrandizing thought of naming it after me. I quickly
realized that my name already serves as somewhat related slang.
Suggestions would be appreciated.
Mary comments: I think the world of outdoor bathrooms is pretty wide open to more ideas like this one. It's pretty amazing how little our facilities have changed in the last century. The challenge may be more cultural than technological.
As far as names: how about "Peter's Friend"?
Posted by mary at November 18, 2003 2:37 PM
Comments
I'm busily trying to refine this idea so it works forwomen too. Maybe something designed to pass for an adirondack deck chair? My boyfriend insists that women are capable of projectile urination but it's a knack I doubt I'll ever develop.
Posted by: Erika Hamerquist at November 19, 2003 9:26 AM
i'd love to be able to pee in my car. peter, there's a subject for more research for you: accidents related to drivers distracted by the need to pee.
Posted by: melissa at November 19, 2003 4:40 PM
Has no one mentioned that this already exists (sorry Mary/Peter)? Case in point is Amsterdam. They design them sort of like spirals. They don't have any doors, you walk in the outside of the spiral until you're relatively out of sight (you being a man). The walls (I think green metal, the ones I saw) don't even reach to the ground, so everyone gets to see your waterworks as they hit the ground (and, yeah, I think you just pee on the ground/against the wall). I think.
Also, in response to Melissa's comment--I read recently that there has been a great increase in roadside cleaning crews coming upon pop bottles and the like full of pee (people peeing into them in their car and then tossing them out the window). It would be cool if someone could come up with a better disposal system. And by cool, I mean less disgusting.
Posted by: Lyza at November 19, 2003 7:58 PM
they have the green metal thingies in paris too, or at least they used to. and i think they have a drain, but not being a man, i never went in one.
i have a friend who had a boyfriend in college who used to pee in a bottle because he was too lazy to walk down the hall to the bathroom. he kept the bottle in the back of her closet and never told her about it, and eventually she found it. he may even have denied that it belonged to him when confronted with the evidence, but i forget.
Posted by: melissa at November 21, 2003 11:57 AM
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